Tag Archives: children

My Offspring is Off-Springing

I know it’s been a while since I’ve been on here.  I’ve written a few things here and there but haven’t posted any of them.  I’ve come up with a plethora of ideas in my head of what I think would look good on Story of My Life, but haven’t taken the time to jot them down.  I’ve been lazy.  But I’ll get into that in a later post.  Today I have other news.

Late last year my son and his wife announced that they are expecting their first child.  The newest edition to our family will arrive in July.  Hey y’all, my offspring is off-springing!!  I am so very excited.  And it’s about time!  Most of my friends from high school have been grandparents for years now.  I’m 54 and becoming a first-time grandpa.  On a side note of sorts, my mother’s mother was 39 when I was born and made her a first-time grandparent.  When I was young, I thought my grandparents were old.  My grandchild will think I’m ancient!  LOL.  Or maybe I just feel ancient.

As I look forward to meeting my grandson in a few months I’m reminded of all the advice I received when I was becoming a dad.  And the very best advice I received during that time was from my dad, who I think was a very good and wise parent.  He said, “Take all the advice you get from everyone and throw it out the window.  Do what you know is right and everything will work out fine.  You got this.”

This was the perfect advice and I am passing it on to my son and his wife. This post is written to my son and his wife.  Don’t confuse this advice with not hearing what others have to say who have experience and might know a thing or two.  But instead, learn what is right as you go through parenthood.  Do what you feel is right, coupled with what you want to use from others.  None of us have all the answers about being a parent.  Only you will know in your heart what is right for your little family.  It will come to you, I promise.  It’s all a learning experience.  Take it all in and figure out what is best.  I interpret my dad’s advice to mean this: Don’t feel obligated by someone’s advice if you feel differently. 

That’s my advice.  Well, my dad’s advice.  And I did well with it.

But there’s plenty of other important things to share as well.  Consider this part more like storytelling and if you find something here you want to use as advice, take it.  Or, if you find something in the storytelling that didn’t work, you can learn from that as well.  I have often told my less flattering stories to my children in hopes they learn from my faults and save themselves some troubles.  But kids don’t listen.  You’ll learn that soon enough.  LOL!!

First of all, you will become a parent with very little experience.  Sure, you may have babysat, watched after siblings, volunteered in the nursery at church- but nothing will fully prepare you for having your own baby, a new life that completely depends on you.  The first time I ever changed a diaper was on my first child.  And I hadn’t studied how to do it and I had never done it before.  I was thrown into it.  The nurse said, “Dad, do you want to change her diaper?”  Turns out, it wasn’t that hard.  I figured it out on my first try! Too easy. But everything after that first diaper was a new, deeper challenge.  Changing a diaper was the very first step in a long road for me in learning how to be a parent.  Oh, the number of diapers I changed.  How can something so small and precious create a smell that could peel paint off the wall?  Get ready.

How do you know when to take the baby to the emergency room or wait it out?  How do you know when to let the baby “cry it out” when they are being fussy or when to coddle them?  How do you know when to start potty training?  How do you know when to let your child walk to school alone?  How do you know when to do this or that or whatever?  Here’s the catch.  You don’t know yet.  Sometimes you don’t know the right answer until you’ve already made a decision and see how it plays out.  You have to learn it all one first diaper at a time.  And you will make mistakes.  You will second-guess yourself sometimes.  But you will adjust as you learn.  And once you think you have something figured out, the baby changes it.  Which means that every once in a while you will go back and forth about something until you make a decision just to be done with it.  And that’s ok, too. Sometimes all you can do is flip a coin.  Just keep learning.  And to be honest, a lot of questions will answer themselves as the baby grows and you learn.  And after a while, you’ll have it all figured out.  But like I alluded to, the baby can sense that you figured it out and will change everything, creating new challenges.  It’s what they do.

Along with the excitement, fear, joy, and love that comes with becoming a parent, you will also get a dose of perpetual tiredness.  All my kids are now grown adults, taking on the world, and I’m still tired from when they were little.  This feeling of exhaustion…  just get used to it.  There will be late nights, early mornings, and everything in between.  You’ll have your hands full with the little one.  But you’ll still have to clean the house, take care of the dog, mow the yard, go grocery shopping, pay the bills, cook dinner… oh yeah, and don’t forget about going to work.  No matter how tired you feel, it is all worth it.  I have fond memories of falling asleep in a recliner with my children snuggled in my arms.  Best sleep ever!

Kids are very resilient growing up.  Yes, they are fragile, but you can’t keep them in a bubble.  They will get bumps, bruises, cuts, and scratches.  Of my six kids, we survived at least two broken bones, a golf club to the face, a tumble off of a piano with teeth puncturing the lip, a fall out of a tree, a pencil broken off into the heel of a foot, rolling off a bed on to hardwood flooring, slipping in the bathroom and bouncing a head off the tile which was bloody and gruesome.  This is a very small sample of what my kids survived and doesn’t even include the sports bumps and bruises they all had.  And even if I were to hover over each of my kids every minute of every day, very few of these injuries could have been avoided.  Kids are adventurous as they grow and learn, and sometimes those adventures will leave a mark. 

I believe my dad did a great job.  As I look back on my childhood, I don’t think I could have asked for a better father.  Even so, when I became a dad, I had a mental list of things I was going to do differently, things I didn’t like from when I was a kid.  However, as I “grew up” as a parent I realized my list of things my dad did well and did right was much longer than the list of things I wanted to change in my journey as a parent.  Maybe some of it was me understanding that parenting is a challenge, something we can not fully comprehend until we become a parent.  So, I hope your list eventually gets longer on the side of “Oh, dad was right, I get it now.”  There are plenty of things I could have done better.  If you want that list, let me know.  And that’s one of the funny things about learning as a first time parent, you can’t usually know how things will turn out until later.  But I’m very happy and proud of how my kids turned out, so maybe I did a few more things right than I thought I did.  Here’s the bottom line.  Do your parenting out of love and what’s best for the child.  And even then, not all of your decisions will be perfect.  And that’s perfectly fine. 

This new chapter of your life is going to be the best rollercoaster ride you could ever be on.  My Son, I loved watching you grow up as a child into a teen and then into an adult.  Now I get to watch you grow as a dad and I couldn’t be more proud.  And always keep this in mind, “Do what you know is right and everything will work out fine.  You got this.”  Y’all got this!

I love y’all.  The two of you will be great parents.  God bless!

Dad

The Wedding

My middle son got married last weekend, the first of six.  I should probably clarify.  LOL.  He’s the first of six siblings to get married, not the first of him getting married six times.  That would be bad.  My ex-wife and I had a daughter, then 3 boys in a row, then twin girls.  They’re all adults now, for the most part.  The twins will officially be adults next year upon graduating high school.  They are all wonderful, beautiful human beings.  But this is Nick’s time to shine, so let me brag on my boy and his new bride.

He’s smart.  He’s funny.  He has an entrepreneurial spirit and a heart of gold.  He’s one of the most loving and genuine people you would ever meet.  He’s a problem-solver with a calming demeaner.  Trustworthy, honest, kind, dependable.  He’s everything and more that I could have ever hoped for him at this point in his life.  I really can’t put into words how proud I am of my boy.

He married his high school sweetheart.  She is positively an awesome individual with a beautiful smile.  She’s the loud one, you can hear her laugh coming a mile away and it makes you want to smile.  She doesn’t know a stranger, as far as I’ve seen, and will befriend anyone she meets.  She’s very excitable and will go in a million different directions during a single conversation.  To say the least, she is very entertaining.  They are a perfect match.  They balance each other out nicely.  I love them both dearly.

To be completely honest, in the months leading up to the blessed nuptials, I asked them numerous times if they really thought they were ready.  Partly because I’m the dad and want to make sure and partly because I’m older and wiser and had my doubts.  I asked because I love and care for them.  It’s not that I doubted their love for each other, there is no question there at all.  It’s just the world we live in.  It’s hard and unforgiving.  And they are young, not financially secure in any sense of the concept, and don’t have the jobs that will provide for a spectacular future.  That sounds vaguely familiar.  Oh, that’s how my ex and I started out and we were married for 26 years and did very well for the most part providing for 6 kids.  I think that’s how most young couples start out; young, dumb, naïve, indestructible, and completely unaware of what the world has in store for them. But they assured me they were ready.

It was a nice ceremony.  Short, sweet, and to the point.  There was a little humor and a lot of love.  I was impressed with the vows they each wrote.  Very touching.  There was a best man and a maid of honor, that’s all.  Nothing flashy or extravagant.  No tuxedos, no flower girls, no live music.  The reception was “catered” by local fast food restaurants.  The whole event was low-key and easy.  I like it.  I think it shows that these two youngsters are just fine with not having a fancy lifestyle right away and can stay in a budget.  It’s exactly how they wanted it and I think it was awesome.

To my son and new daughter, I love you.  I’m proud of you.  Great things lie ahead for you both.  Not that I ever give the best advice, but let me leave you with some wisdom, learned from experience.  Stay focused.  Stay faithful.  Be honest.  Be giving.  Be forgiving.  Be understanding.  Be clear.  Spend wisely.  Save what you can.  Invest for your future.  Not just monetarily, but invest in each other and in life.  Be humble.  Be charitable.  Stay close to God.  Take things in stride.  Nothing is ever the end of the world and if something is too good to be true, it probably is.  So, be smart, the world is already planning on how to take advantage of you.  Most importantly, as I’ve said to you many times, be a decent human being, clean up after yourself, and make good decisions. 

I love you both. 

Dad

The Hanging of Saddam Hussein

My deployment to Iraq (2008-09) was pretty boring for the most part. I was at a little base called Camp Bucca and my job was not very exciting, it kept me at a desk in the chapel most days. A few times a week, I would escort the chaplain to the TIF (theater internment facility) to visit our troops, medics, and command staff. Sometimes when the chaplain was counseling with a soldier, I would get to pull tower duty over one of the compounds while the chaplain and soldier walked around and chatted. A couple of times when visiting the SHU (special housing unit, where the worst of the worst were kept in solitary confinement), I was overwatch during a detainee being moved from his cell to the small fenced patio for his outside time. That was almost exciting. I held the taser for that job, just in case the detainee had the guts to do something stupid while being moved. They never did, they knew better. That was one cool thing about deploying with a Military Police battalion. I was trained on their non-lethal weapons, trained in combatives, self-defense, and other exciting things. I could have done without the required OC spray (pepper spray) followed by an obstacle course, but that was part of it.

Overall, it was a boring deployment. Nothing like my time in Afghanistan (2013-14) where I traveled all over the country escorting my chaplain. Camp Bucca, Iraq, at least while I was there, was not exciting. And in some ways, that’s a good thing. Very few times was our base threatened, and even if it was, it wasn’t anything like I saw in Afghanistan. I probably saw and heard more attacks in any particular week of travel in Afghanistan as I did my entire deployment in Iraq. Boring can be good in that case. But boring can also be tough on morale. My fellow chaplain assistants and I did what we could to make Bucca a little better for those of us stuck there.

Sometime in 2008, a bootleg video of Saddam Hussein’s hanging was circulated via email. It was a very different view from the official video footage released by the Iraqi government after Hussein’s hanging on December 30, 2006. That video stopped just short of his actual hanging. The unofficial video being circulated that I saw was of poor quality, obviously taken on a cell phone. Lights seemed to be flashing, but that was probably the cell phone camera not having enough light to take good video. And the picture was unstable, lots of movement. Obviously, whoever was filming the execution was moving with the action as it happened, while Saddam was being escorted to the gallows. I watched that cell phone footage of him being led to the noose. I couldn’t understand the Arabic being spoken. I watched that video as the rope was put snuggly around Saddam’s neck. He spoke defiantly, or perhaps he was praying, I don’t know, but it was no help to him. The floor dropped out from under him, and after a few seconds, he hung lifeless and still.

That was a morale boost for me. Does that make me a bad person? Nope. That’s why we were there. Do you have any idea how hard it was to be present during the times a soldier was notified of a death of a loved-one from far away, or to organize a memorial service for a fallen soldier, or to inform a spouse that her husband’s plane went down in Afghanistan and there were no survivors? Do you know how hard it was to read casualty reports on the secret-side email and see how those events unfolded? Do you know how hard it was to see those burned children? Honestly, I think it would have been easier to see corpses instead of those children in pain and suffering, crying, scared, with no chance of ever being bodily normal again. Sometimes I still see those three children when I lay down to sleep at night.

I’ve seen some horrible things and I’ve seen some wonderful things. And I can say that the only time I’ve ever witnessed a death (on video or in person) and smiled about it, was watching the hanging of Saddam Hussein. The unofficial video was a couple of years old when I saw it, but at the time, that bootleg video was new to us. To me, it put to rest any doubts. There had been talk for a while that Saddam wasn’t really dead, because the official video didn’t show his neck snapping like the bootleg video did. The official video stopped just before the floor fell out from under him. But the scratchy, unprofessional, dimly lit video from a cell phone that I, and others saw, was enough to make it a good day for me. Saddam’s neck snapped and all life left his body. I smiled. And I didn’t feel bad at all when watching Saddam die in that video. It made me happy, really happy. Once in a while, though, I do think about it and wonder if my feelings about watching that video were normal. That doesn’t usually last long. Maybe I’m demented, but I don’t feel bad about it. He got what he deserved.

I write about a lot of things here, some uplifting, some dark. When you visit Story of My Life, you agree to take the good with the bad. Thank you for stopping by this week. Good day, God bless.

Dave

Change

I just finished my second week at a new job. I’m no longer working in the airport, although I may or may not fill in a couple shifts a week as needed. I really liked that job. I miss most of the people I worked with. Unfortunately, I needed more hours than they could give me. The bills have to be paid. With the new job, getting 40 hours a week, that will be much easier now.

Back to Work

With every change there is an adjustment period. My new hours are later in the evening than I’ve been working the last year. I’m off around 10:30 each night, but I still need a couple hours to unwind. I’ve been staying up too late at night, I think because, before, I would have a few hours after work to relax and still get to bed by midnight. Now, a few hours after work takes me to around 3am. That’s a big adjustment, but I’ll get used to it.

Another change with the new job and hours is that I don’t get to see my kids as much. This is the hardest adjustment so far. I go to work about the time they are getting out of school and I don’t get off until after they are in bed. But we’ll make it work. I will have my boys spending the night with me tonight and since school is out Monday, I’ll have my girls Sunday night. Once summer break gets here, I’ll get to spend more regular time with them. This is only temporary.

My Hardest Job

My writing has also suffered. This new schedule has me way out of whack as far finding the time to write. When I wake up in the morning (sometimes not until noon), I don’t write. I need some time to fully wake up, eat, shower, and whatever else I need to do. Then, before I know it, it’s time to go to work. After work, I’m tired and don’t feel like writing. Granted, working on my novel has been hit or miss at best the last couple months anyway, but I always made time for my blog posts. This is the second week in a row I’m writing on Saturday instead of having it ready to go Saturday morning. I fell asleep the other night with a great post in mind, wrote it and rewrote it in my head. I couldn’t wait to put on paper the next day. I spent the whole next day trying to remember what that post was going to be. It’s probably gone forever.

I’m adjusting to my new job and the hours. I didn’t think it would be a huge adjustment, but I should have known better. I’ve always had some resistance to change, but the last few years, with the PTSD and depression diagnoses, change is much harder now than it ever was before. That’s why I didn’t seriously look for a new job when our hours first got cut. I liked where I was. I get into a routine, get comfortable, and I go with it. Now I’m getting into a new routine and it will be fine. I’m already comfortable in my new job surroundings. I guess I’m half way there, as far as adjusting

My goal for next week is to have my blog post ready in advance, like I used to do. And to have something a little more meaningful. This week is more of an update on me instead of some insightful discussion (at least to me some of my posts are insightful). If there was a price for admission, you’d be entitled to a refund this week. But thanks for stopping by anyway. I promise to do better next week. Good day, God bless.

Dave

Milestones and Reflections

This past week, my blog surpassed 400 followers from all over the world. Granted, that’s not a huge number, but it’s still an amazing milestone to me, considering I write for my own pleasure and therapy. I didn’t set out to create any kind of following for this site, only a place for me to put some thoughts somewhere, like a way to journal. Originally, Story of My Life was a place for me to do some writing during my deployment to Afghanistan and share a few things with my family and friends. After returning from war, I took a two-year break from posting here. I then started using Story of My Life again in February 2016, as an outlet for self-therapy and recovery. Based on the number of followers, comments and likes on the posts, it seems like a lot of people can relate to what I’m putting out there.

As I celebrate a very modest milestone, I also want reflect on Story of My Life and share with some of you that might not know the progression this blog has taken the last couple of years and why I post (almost) every week. I say progression of this blog, but in reality, it’s my progression. These are my thoughts, feelings, experiences that I share here. Some entries are comical or silly. Some are dark and painful. Some are rants, usually complaining about dealing with the VA. I’ve posted poetry and short fiction stories, but mostly, real-life stories of me surviving my life.

While my first blog post to Story of My Life was 5 years ago, it’s only been in the last two years that I started a new journey of using weekly writing as therapy and sharing my story with the world. The beginning of this new journey started with me opening up about a failed suicide attempt, being taken to the psych ward at the hospital in hand cuffs by the police, and being diagnosed with PTSD and major depression. From there, I shared what I saw as obvious irony in the fact that I attempted suicide, being that I was the lead trainer in suicide prevention training in most of my army reserve units. Ironic, in a twisted way, I know.

I’ve shared stories from my deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, stories about my kids, and I’ve written some entertaining fictional stories. I’ve touched a little on the end of my marriage and I’ve exposed some of the flaws with the VA that veterans have to deal with. I’ve written about the struggles I have from time to time with depression and suicidal thoughts. I’ve also written about some of the victories I’ve had the last two years, which include sharing a couple excerpts and progress from the novel I’m writing (yes, still working on that). I’ve written about the weather, traffic, youth sports, investing, the Mississippi River, and I’ve shared some about my civilian job in a few posts. I cover most everything that pops into my head in any given week. We can all see the pros and cons in that. But I do it anyway.

I write every week and post it here because it helps me. I am able to sort my thoughts and put them in some kind of order that makes sense to me. It’s a way to track my progress as well as my low points. Each post gives me a record of what I was doing or thinking and I can go back any time and see what was on my mind. I know, I can do the same thing without putting it on a blog, but I feel that making some of these stories public forces me to put more thought and effort into this project. And I know that my story helps other people, too, which is a bonus for my motivation to keep writing and sharing. Knowing there are people out there that can relate to my issues and mental illness is helpful to me as well. I appreciate all the likes and comments of support on my posts each week.

I do this for me. But I also do it for everyone else that hasn’t found their voice yet in speaking up comfortably about their own mental illness. I share it with the world so that someone that might be in the dark places of the mind, like I have been, know they aren’t alone. If you need help, reach out. If you know someone that needs help, help them find help. You don’t have to be a professional to help someone that is thinking about suicide. You only have to get them to someone that is (hospital, police, fire station, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255). Helping is easier than you think.

For those of you that might be new to Story of My Life and want to get a bigger picture of my story, below are some links to previous posts that will highlight my journey the last two years.

https://storyofmylife.blog/2016/02/06/battlefield/  (the beginning of my new journey)

Depressed

Suicidal Anonymous

PTSD Moments

My Worst War Memory

Thank you all for your support, I hope that I am returning the favor in some small way here. And thank you for stopping by this week. Good day, God bless.

Dave